Have a laugh here...

Knock knock,
Whos there?
Senior
Senior who?
See'n you're so nosy, I'm not going to tell you.
 
How do you make Lady GaGa cry?
Poker face.
 
Last night the lion-tamer at the circus was attacked by his lions.
Was he clawed?
I don't know what his name was.
 
A vampire bat comes back to his fellow vampires with blood on his mouth. They stare at him jealously and ask him where he got the blood. He asks them, "Did you see that tree back there?"
"Sure," they reply.
"Well I didn't!"
 
My dog is a nuisance. He chases everyone on a bicycle. What can I do?
Take his bike away.
 
Two dogs were walking along the road. One dog stopped and said, "My name is Fido. What's yours?"
The other dog thought for a minute, and then replied, "I think it's Down Boy."
 
This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leader, cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says "Ten dollars." The guy says he'll buy him but asks the owner, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him?"
The owner replies, "He's such a liar."
 
Baby snake: "Mummy, are we poisonous?"
Mother snake: "Yes honey, but why do you want to know?"
Baby snake: "Well, I just bit my tongue..."
 
"Would you rather a lion ate you or a gorilla?"
"I would rather the lion ate the gorilla."
 
A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Have you got any bread?"
The bartender replies, "No, we only sell beer here." So the duck walks out.
He walks in the next day and says to the bartender, "Have you got any bread?"
The bartender says, "I told you yesterday, we only sell beer", so the duck walks out.
He walks back in the next day and says to the bartender, "Got any bread?"
The bartender says, "If u come in here tomorrow asking for bread, I'll nail your beak to the bar!" So the duck walks out. He walks in the next day and says to the bartender, "Got any nails?"
"No", he says.
"Got any bread?"
 
What did the elf use to make him taller?
He used elf raising flour.
 
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don't look, I'm changing.
 
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
 
Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word 'analyze' in it.
Pupil: My sister Anna lies in bed until nine o'clock.
 
What goes zzub zzub?
A bee flying backwards.
 
What do you call a box of ducklings?
A box of quackers.
 
What is bright orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
 
A cucumber and a tomato meet in a saladbar.
Cucumber: "Gee, how come you look so red?"
Tomato: "I saw the salad dressing."
 
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9.
 
"If a red house is made of red bricks, a blue house is made of blue bricks and a yellow house is made of yellow bricks, what is a green house made of?"
"Green Bricks?"
"No, glass."
 
How can you drop an egg six feet without it breaking?
By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.
 
How many books can you put on an empty shelf?
One. After that it isn't empty.
 
Stupid people should have stupid signs....
One day I was sitting on the SCHOOL bus and a new guy came on, sat beside me and asked "You going to school?"
"Nope!" I said, "I just wanted to see where this bus was head'n to."
.....
"Here's your sign."
 
A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 die. How many does he have left?
9.